Without the Pill, With the Power: A Surprise Solo in a Major Opera House
- Gökçe Kutsal
- Apr 11
- 3 min read
* This story is shared with care. To respect the client’s privacy, some details have been changed. The essence of their experience and the outcomes remain true.
When I first met this client, I was struck not only by their stunning voice, but by the warmth and presence they carried into every conversation.
A classically trained opera singer with both a BA and MA in vocal performance, they had been performing professionally for over a decade.
Their voice had a shimmering coloratura and an expressive depth that made it easy to imagine them on any of the great opera stages.
They were already performing regularly in a beloved opera choir.
But they hadn’t trained for years just to stay in the chorus — they wanted to sing arias under the lights, solo, centre stage.
And yet every time a solo opportunity arose, something inside them shut down....
Thoughts of judgment, mistakes, ridicule, and even technical failure would spiral until they were overwhelmed by anxiety.
A Confidence-Shaking Turning Point
Plus, it wasn’t just nerves.
A new voice teacher had recently told them their technique needed to be completely rebuilt from the ground up.
After 10 years of professional singing, that kind of feedback hit hard.
Understandably, it shook their belief in themselves.
Even in lessons, anxiety would manifest physically:
Shallow breath, dry mouth, shaky tone...
But the real shame?
Their natural tone was gorgeous — and their expressive presence, magnetic.
It was clear to me they had everything it takes to shine.
Reliance on Beta Blockers
This wasn’t the first time they had sought help.
Years ago, a teacher recommended beta blockers.
They’d been using them ever since — for solos, auditions, anything high-stakes…
But they knew it wasn’t sustainable.
The medication dulled their emotional range and made it hard to connect with the music they loved.
They wanted to perform freely and joyfully, without leaning on a pill.
Rebuilding from the Inside Out
We began working together during the pandemic.
We started, as I often do, with values.
Technical excellence came up strongly — understandable, given the feedback they'd recently received.
But alongside that, we worked on quieting the perfectionistic inner critic with self-compassion and evidence-based tools that honoured both emotional and technical needs.
They’d tried therapy before, and mindfulness as well… neither had been a good fit.
So we took a different approach.
Instead of formal daily practices, we used small, low-pressure “mindful moments” and built awareness around their thought patterns in context.
Even with this light-touch approach, their insight and self-awareness deepened quickly.
“I realised I could just not concentrate on other people watching me and listening to me. I could just concentrate on what I have to do... even that small thing changed the whole perspective.”
Tracking Progress with Objective Metrics
To help track progress, we used the Kenny Music Performance Anxiety Inventory (KMPAI).
(This was also one of the tools that I'd used extensively during my MA project on music performance anxiety coaching. )
It's a well-researched tool where scores above 105 suggest problematic music performance anxiety.
They began at 158.
After just six sessions, their score had dropped to 110, just above the clinical threshold.
Even more telling was their progress on the Experiential Shame Scale (ESS), which helps capture the shame many musicians feel — not just about their performances, but about having anxiety at all.
Their score dropped from 5.9 to 2.2.
A remarkable shift.
In their words:
“It’s easier now I know what I have to do... even if you’re not able to do it 100% all the time, it’s a big step forward.”
The Moment It Was All For
Then came the moment that perfectly captured everything they’d been working toward.
When pandemic restrictions lifted and opera performances resumed, they were back on stage.
Midway through one production, the scheduled soloist tested positive for Covid.
With no time to prepare, my client was asked to step in — for a solo performance in a major opera house.
The anxiety hit hard…
Instinctively, they reached into their bag for a beta blocker — but it wasn’t there.
They went on anyway.
They sang the solo.
Without medication.
With anxiety.
And it went beautifully.
Here's what happened in their own words:
“Even though anxiety was taking over, it was a big step forward and I managed to go through it and be in the moment. It was my first solo in a big house and also without a beta-blocker. It went really well. I think it was a big achievement!”
I couldn’t agree more.
